I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
