if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
