you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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