It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
