But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
