We're like a lot better than the average bears
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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