I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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