I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You are a genius and a whore.
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