Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
