If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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