fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize