Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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