There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
