I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
