Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
