the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
