Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I want her autograph on my taint
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
