Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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