Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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