I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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