I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
