allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
