Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
