I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize