Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
