I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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