I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
