Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize