New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
