I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
