The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
