You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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