I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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