Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I wear drunk well.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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