I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Farmville is her only friend.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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