ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
