I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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