You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
