Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
