I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
