John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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