hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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