you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
