is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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