I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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