I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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