This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
