Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
