Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
