I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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