It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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