i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
