ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
