I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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