Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
