In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
