everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
this beer tastes like vomit already
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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