What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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