How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
