I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize