meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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