Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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