Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
