U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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