I faked an abortion last night.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
