Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
