I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
send nudes
from the living room?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
