I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
