She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
soo... how was my night?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
