About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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