so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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