I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize