Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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