the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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