you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
