eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
