it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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