How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
from now on my penis is your penis
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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