mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
