will power is for people who don't want to get laid
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
