I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
