Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
