I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize