There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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