You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
