I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
