he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
