too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
