So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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