I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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