he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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