At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
