I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize