so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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