I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize