When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
