Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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