plz talk dirty to me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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