he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
